Recently I won a book call – The Confidence Code by Katty Kay and Claire Shipman.
It’s about the science and art of self- assurance – what women should know.
It’s timely for me as I coach people to move forward with greater confidence.
Although written for women, there were a few good insights to share —
“When people are confident, they think they are good at something, regardless of how good they actually are, they display a lot of nonverbal and verbal behavior.
They tend to speak early and often in a a calm, relaxed manner. They do a lot of things that make them look very confident in the eyes of others…whether they are competent or not is kind of irrelevant.”It’s confidence that sways people. We may not realize it but we all give confidence inordinate weight and we respect people who project it.”
In business I’ve seen less competent people often promoted over more able colleagues.
It can be infuriatingly that confidence without competence had no negative effect.
They were admired by the rest of the group and awarded high social status. Why?
Because their confidence didn’t come across as narcissistic. Sometimes overconfidence can be read as arrogance.
“Confident people who don’t alienate the others are NOT faking their confidence. They genuinely believe they are good, and that self-belief was what come across.
Fake confidence just does not work in the same way. We can see the ‘tells’.
No matter how much bravado they muster, when people don’t generally believe they are good, we pick up on the shifting eyes and rising voice and other give aways.
We’re not always conscious of it, but most of us have a great BS radar and can spot fake confidence a mile off.”
Good leadership means being an efficient decision-maker and not wishy-washy with decisions. If asked to give your opinion give it! It can be frustrating to have somebody say, “I don’t have time for that.”
Confidence involves action- Doing. Mastering. And deciding.
A few terms to consider that are connected to confidence:
If you have high Self-Esteem and believe you are intrinsically valuable, you won’t assume your boss thinks that you’re not worthy of a raise.
It is easier to keep going if you’re optimistic about the outcome.
If you have Self-Efficacy in one area, and use it and you will certainly be more creative and have general confidence.
And if you fail, Self-Compassion will give you the chance not to be rate yourself, but to take your failures more lightly.
This year I am focused on Self-Compassion.
The central precept is that we should all be kinder to ourselves because doing so makes us healthier, more for filled and more successful in the pursuits we choose. Indeed, often the people who are most compassionate towards others are the least for giving of themselves.
Self – Compassion
– Be sure to forgive yourself if you fail. Don’t beat yourself up.
– Put yourself in the broader human condition, and accept some failure.
– It is OK to be average sometimes.
Self-compassion isn’t an excuse for any action – it’s supports action, and connects us to being human, with all the strengths and weakness that implies.
Yes, Confidence is linked to DOING. Not letting doubts consume you.
It is a willingness to go out of the comfort zone and do the hard things.
Confidence is hard work. Mastery. It’s also about having resilience and not giving up.
Confidence is the stuff that turns thoughts into action.
If the action involves something scary, then that’s called Courage!
Take the confident code quiz http://theconfidencecode.com/confidence-quiz/